Personal Safety of Small Children

Nancy Reynolds of Advocates for Children lead a discussion on personal safety of small children for a group of us parents today.  Below is the information she shared with us. 


Tips for open communication and safety:
Use correct terminology
Starting at birth, include private parts in your discussion of body parts.  Identify the parts with their correct names.  

Keep power over your child's body with your child
Don't force your child to hug or kiss or otherwise physically touch or be touched by others, even close family members.  

Define types of touch
Brainstorm the first two with your child.  
Happy touch - hugs, holding hands, tickling, snuggles, etc
Sad / Angry / Scared touch - hitting, hair pulling, etc
Secret touch - when your private parts are touched for no reason, or you are tricked or forced to touch someone else's private parts; when you are asked to keep touching a secret.  (You can also discuss the difference between happy secrets, such as a birthday present, that are kept for a short time versus secrets you are asked to keep for forever). 
 
The Clean and Healthy Rules
The only times a private area should be touched are if someone is helping to keep the private parts clean or healthy.  You can brainstorm these situations with your child.  A child can always ask why an adult needs to touch a private area. 

Ask "What if ..."
Ask your child what he or she would do in various types of situations.  (This is helpful for all safety areas including gun safety, fire safety, strangers, crossing the street, etc)  Don't forget to discuss touching scenarios as not only having your child's body touched, but by being tricked or forced to touch the perpetrators body. 

Practice responses
Help your child practice what to say and do in uncomfortable situations.  This includes: saying "stop," "don't touch my _____,"  or "I am going to tell;" walking away; list of people to tell when something has happened. 

Repeat like any other type of safety
You can not tell your child this information just once or twice.  Ask "what if" questions, practice responses, read books, and otherwise discuss this information with your child as you would any other type of safety lesson.  Times to revisit this discussion include when your child gains more independence, such as starting school or spending more time away from at play dates. 

Monitor who your child spends time with
You can make surprise visits to any day care, class, coaching, or babysitting to see what is occurring.  Know who your child is playing with and how they play together.  As your child gets older, rather than observing all play, ask questions such as "Who did you play with today?" and "What games did you play?" 


When something goes wrong
Keep calm
Keep your thoughts inside as much as possible when confronted with a report from your child.  If you over react, you might frighten your child and he or she might not discuss it more.  

Investigate odd behavior
This is particularly important with nonverbal children.  You know your child best, so watch for changes in behavior.  Especially of concern is a sudden changes in how a child reacts to an individual.  Masturbation is not an odd behavior unless a child frequently for goes regular play to do so. 

Expect curiosity ...
It is natural for children to be interested in their bodies and the bodies of others.  Masturbation is normal.  "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" or "playing doctor" is also normal with young children of the same age. 

But watch for games with inequality in power
Even between children close in age, games where the power is not equal are concerning.  For example, a stronger, smarter, or more popular child leading a game of "doctor."