This reflection is really about Natalie and I than how the day went. I really liked our schedule today. I felt the pacing worked much
better. The problems we had today had to do with Natalie and me, not
the activities or setting.
First of all, I have to commend William's patience today. He played independently very well and allowed the other moms to help him do his craft and clean him up. He didn't cry when I left the room.
I walked away from today with a deeper understanding of how Natalie and I don't work well together when we are frustrated. Something about doing the crafts is frustrating her, and I'm not helping.
I think I'm bringing too much baggage to the situation. I'm worried about her inability to use the scissors because of how her arthritis used to effect her hands. Even though she is symptom free right now, I'm always worried that her being behind or her stiffness returning. Especially where it took us so long to diagnosis her JRA before, I worry that we will miss some early sign. Whenever she gets especially emotional, I worry her pain is returning because that was how she was during those six months. But, thinking about it now, the over the top emotions are probably more of her way of coping with stress than a reaction to just pain.
I'm also left wondering why she isn't more involved. She isn't doing
things she normally can do at home, such as saying answers she knows or
gluing and painting. I'm unsure if it is needing time to warm up to the
environment and exceptions or if she is a learner who needs more time
to process before answering and trying things herself. But this is not the Natalie I see at home or during free play. I think I have an unfair expectation of her. Does she really even understand what school is? Am I taking that for granted? Because she is so bright and social, I think I just assumed that transitioning into a school structure wouldn't be too hard for her.
It really irks me when she proclaims that she can't do something. She is so smart and capable, I know she can accomplish pretty much anything with practice. But when we introduce something new (scissors in this case, but it was the same with getting dressed and undressed) she gets so frustrated so quickly. It grates on my nerves so fast and really blinds me from helping her, not that she will let me help her much when she gets so worked up.
As she got more and more upset, I decided to remove her from the table. If we were at home, it probably would have been a time out, but instead, I did something I read on an attachment parenting web site. Even as she struggled, I hugged her and told her I was going to keep hugging her. After a minute she calmed down and asked for Baby Kitty, then when I returned with her, she curled up in my lap for a few minutes. Soon she was ready to go back and try again. I am happy that I tried this and that it worked. It just felt better to work it out this way since I didn't really want to punish her for her emotions, but needed her to calm down. But I am still left concerned about her getting so worked up in the first place.
Overall, I worry about this behavior when she starts formal schooling. She can't be breaking out into tears when she drops her glue cap like she did last week. One of the major reasons I wanted to give this preschool a try was to see how she would react and to start working through this problem.
I think Amanda's idea might be a good place to start. She suggested that sometimes we work with children that aren't our own. I like this idea for two reasons. First of all, I am interested to see if the same behavior would appear if I wasn't the one directing Natalie. Though I wonder if I was in the room if it would still occur anyway. I think sometimes she deliberately acts up with Mike when I am in the next room to get me to pay attention to her again. I really think me getting away from the kids more often is causing this. Anyway, the second reason I like this suggestion is so that sometimes I could focus on William. I'd really like to work more with him, especially showing him things like shapes and colors and using parallel speach, but Natalie's needs so often intrude.
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